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Benching: how to understand the guy keeping you on the bench


If only the prospect of a relationship with a guy understood after the first, max second date. If there’s a third — it is almost a novel, and the fourth can safely move into an active attack. However, there are times when relationships get stuck in one phase. He seems to be not dynamite, but not in a hurry, though leaves a path of retreat.

This phenomenon, like everything that is happening between people, has its own definition — benching. Unlike breadcrumbing, about which I have already mentioned, benching does not mean that the guy is not interested in a relationship with you. Take a closer look at this concept and how to behave in such a situation.

What is benching


Benching (bench – “bench”) is when a man shows interest in a potential partner, but leaves him on the bench. Such relationships do not develop at a normal pace, but not stop. As explained by Ph. D., Associate Professor of Psychology California State University, San Bernardino Kelly Campbell:

This is a sports metaphor indicating that the potential partner is not a priority because the other man has better options.

Expert tells how to recognize the emotional manipulation in itself or partner and create healthier scenario relationships.

How to recognize benching

Recognize Benching

You don’t know what feels partner

The one who is on the bench, never sure until the end, as it relates to partner. Bencher expresses interest but doesn’t go too far, and that is confusing.

Your plans easily fail

According to Kelly Campbell: “One of the questions that you should ask yourself: if the person is interested in me, why he does not initiate the meeting or not fulfilling promises?”

If the plans still are, on his terms

Benching keeps partners aside, the relationship could be initiated by one person when it suits him.

You think he’s a narcissist

Some bancheri really just narcissists. They have no intention to build relationships, but they will keep a man because you like the attention.

Daffodils have a manipulative, game-playing love style, says Kelly. – Their self-esteem increases when they hold the attention of several potential partners.

You never know who will be Bencher: a guy who wants a relationship but can not be determined, or a narcissist who’s just collecting fans with no intention to move to something bigger.

Despite the fact that the term benching appeared recently, Kelly does not believe that it is solely a modern phenomenon. Even when online Dating was not so affordable, some people adhered to such behaviour in the relationship.

Now that this concept has a definition, we should be the more conscious approach to interacting with a partner.

What to do if you were in a relationship with bedroom

relationship with a bencher

If someone doesn’t put you in priority, you should match the level of their interest, says the expert. Step back from the man and take care of yourself or other relationships.

You can try to figure out what’s going on, the partner directly. But since the reason for sending on the bench – other relationships, it is unlikely you will get a definite answer.

Regardless of what you decide to do in such a situation, it is important not to invest in someone who’s not interested in you.

If you keep someone in reserve

You have to be considerate of others and realize that benching harmful. You can hide behind good motives: the desire to preserve the feelings of your partner, try not to hurry and to make an informed decision. The basis of such behaviour of your selfishness.

Be honest. Partner certainly will appreciate it and understand that now is not a good time to join with you in the relationship.

You need to remember not to be on the bench

avoid being on the bench

Take care of yourself

Love for yourself means that you will not tolerate ill-treatment and are not ready to be a loyal dog that will wait for reciprocity indefinitely. Remember, you are a Prime example of how you should treat others.

Pay attention to warning signs

Even the most rapid of relationships don’t happen suddenly. If someone behaves inconsistently, cancels plans, doesn’t put you in priority, it means that you don’t want to spend time with that person.

Keep a balance in life

When in your life have a job, friends, family, self – improvement is the best guarantee that you will not tolerate toxic relationships. If the balance is disturbed, you risk getting stuck in a potential partner.

What do you think?

Hannah Veteran

Written by Hannah

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