What or who do you imagine when you think about sex? Everyone has their own picture in their head, which turns them on and inspires them to do great things.
And the brighter and richer our sexual fantasies are, the richer and more interesting our real sex life can be.
The secret garden
Galina P.’s marital life is eight years plus a ponytail. Everything between her and her husband seems to be normal: both spiritual relationships and regular sex life: once a week on Saturdays for twenty minutes with the lights off. Only recently, the same vision began to haunt a woman.
She returns home from the dacha. And then a mysterious stranger jumps out at her from an ambush, rips off her clothes and drags her into the bushes with shouts of protest. There he rapes for a long time and with passion and, having done his dark deed, disappears. But most of all, an honest woman was afraid of her reaction to the pictures of her own violence – they aroused her.
Galina came to the sex therapist’s office in full confidence that she was suffering from a severe form of some kind of mental disorder. She confessed with shame that now, during intimacy with her husband, she imagines in his place the same forest robber.
Yes, since then their sex life has become somewhat brighter, but this is not normal! It took several sessions of psychotherapy to convince the patient that sexual fantasies are good, not harm, and they have nothing to do with a mental disorder. However, the maniac appeared in Galina’s imagination for a reason: as a rule, such fantastic plots are born in the heads of women dissatisfied with their intimate life, thirsting for new discoveries and sensations in the intimate field…
In principle, Galina is unoriginal in her intimate dreams. The rating of the most popular female sexual fantasies, according to American sexologists, looks like this: sex with multiple partners, domineering or rough sex with bondage and BDSM elements, sex with a stranger – rapid and sudden. Moreover, it is not a fact that, if possible, a woman will risk realizing these fantasies, but dreaming is easy.
The farthest and least accessible area of the dreamland is sexual dreams. In the Middle Ages, whole volumes were written and doctoral dissertations on demonology were defended about a male demon – an incubus, impudently penetrating into the bed of a sleeping woman who liked him. Our time has completely erased mysticism from erotic dreams and explains the origin of such dreams by the compensatory reaction of the body to prolonged sexual abstinence. As men age, sexual dreams become rarer, and women – more frequent. But for both those and others, erotic dreams often turn into real sexual dreams.
It’s no harm to dream
A common plot of female erotic fantasies is sex with a representative of the same sex. Elena Golotsvan, a candidate of medical sciences, psychotherapists considers them quite natural. First, most of us are bisexual in nature. Secondly, no one will deny that the female body is beautiful and attractive to women as well. Third, dreams of same-sex sex are in most cases just dreams that are unlikely to ever come true.
Men’s fantasies have a different trick – they have much more violence and aggression than a man allows himself in real life. In their imagination, men often attack their partner, shut their mouths, and chained them to the bed. According to Elena Golotsvan, the origins of aggressive fantasies in the head come from childhood.
More than half of boys’ erotic fantasies are born at the age of 13-15, and they reflect not only sexual attraction but also the rebellion characteristic of this age against a woman: mother, teacher, a classmate. Adult ladies tend to control and limit boyish freedom, peers scoff, and humiliate. In revenge in boyish dreams, scenes appear that humiliate women, putting them in a subordinate, dependent, helpless position. However, a mature man does not have a strong desire to dominate, on the contrary, but in fantasies, it still remains.
Elena Golotsvan recommends everyone to have five minutes of erotic fantasies every day. In a woman’s body, the uterus and the brain are in resonance. Fantasies change the standard train of thought, and this will be reflected in sex life. For inspiration, you can overhear / spy on other people’s fantasies from erotic literature: from the Marquis de Sade to “Fifty Shades of Gray” by E.L. James.
Sharing intimate dreams with your partner? At your discretion. Why not discuss and make an erotic dream come true. Moreover, sex therapists are convinced that people with rich sexual imagination are extraordinary natures and wonderful lovers.