Can’t have children: Undiagnosed infertility does not deprive women the opportunity to gain a healthy family, the main thing – to be honest with yourself and with your partner. It is difficult to understand at what point it is worth discussing the topic of children. Saying too soon, you can scare him, too late – make you feel deceived. Here are some tips on how to prepare to talk with a partner about how you can’t have a baby.
Choose a time
Infertility is definitely not a topic for the first and all subsequent visits. While the likelihood that you will want to have children, is close to zero, it is not the most important for the relationship information. On your way and already encounter enough obstacles, but in the end, you can be total strangers. The inability to have children is not HIV, to be reported as soon as possible.
Best period for talking about infertility does not exist, you have to feel that your relationship is going to create a family. Such things need to say before you make a decision about marriage. Another sign that should tell you when the man from the very beginning indicates how it is important for children and literally dreaming about them, but it happens often.
First, learn about his attitude toward children in principle.
If he’s like most men, does not shout about love to the children from the first meeting, before talking about infertility, find out about his attitude to the subject. Not every guy is dreaming about procreation, in principle, why the popularity of childfree couples continues to grow.
Gently ask him how he sees his future family and be sure whether it should be children. The fact that you think a personal tragedy, for it may never be a problem.
Of course, it is possible that he wants to be a father, this is not surprising. Whatever his answer, you need to be honest about their problem.
Tell us about your attitude to this situation
It will be easier to understand you if you don’t just say that can’t have kids, but also explain their attitude to this. Tell me how you see your life now, whether you accepted or agreed to consider all possible options and certainly to have children. Don’t end a conversation on this sad news. The inability to have children does not deprive you of the chance for a happy family.
Tell him about alternatives
By the time of the conversation with a partner you probably will examine all alternative possibilities to become a mother IVF, surrogacy, adoption. Tell me in detail about them to the man to understand how things evolve and what you will probably have to pass.
To raise the topic of infertility is only in a serious relationship because you already are confident in their feelings. If a man loves you more important to him than the other priorities. It will take infertility as your General problem, not your fault.
Do not require an instant response
Are you worried how he would react to this news, and want to understand how it will affect your relationship, but don’t push the man. Avoid categorical phrases, not to declare that if you break up, you understand, and do not rush to abandon it. Leave the conversation open, let the partner to live with this idea and to make a decision.
Don’t apologize or feel guilty
You, in any case, don’t have to apologize for infertility and occupy a weak position. Faced with the inability to have children, the woman is hard to avoid feelings of guilt and worthlessness, but they all exist only in your head. The disease doesn’t make you worse than the others. It is an objective reality in which you’re forced to exist. The ability to create a happy family largely depends on your ability to break free from destructive thoughts, to love yourself and to go further. Your own fears and prejudices can become more serious challenge than the inability to have children.
Be ready to break up
This does not mean that you need to decide in advance that you leave, but exclude such an option is never worth it. This is not your fault if a man is not ready to accept you like this, you’re not right for each other. Fear of separation is not a reason to gloss over the problem. For him, it is also a kind of validation, and the sooner you eliminate the unnecessary people from your life, the sooner you will meet the right guy.