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How to tell your boyfriend that you want a break from sex?

To admit that you want to take a break in your sex life is hard because it concerns your partner’s pride and your own pride. It does not matter what the reason is: feeling unwell or wanting to focus on the emotional side of the relationship. It is important to honestly talk about how you feel, and not take sex as a duty.

Here’s how to tell a guy that you need to refrain from intimacy for a while and not spoil the relationship.

Explain what’s the matter


Naturally, he will be interested in the reasons for your request. So be ready to talk about it, and not just put a man in front of a fact. Do not take a defensive position, you have every right to a break. Just explain why you need it.

According to psychologist Wyatt Fisher, abstinence in relationships can increase emotional closeness, rather than postpone partners:

I often recommend couples to abstain from sex in order to focus on emotional intimacy and friendship in a relationship. Sexual desire or openness to sexual contact results from emotional intimacy. Therefore, as emotional intimacy increases during abstinence, your openness to the partner and desire will also increase.

It is important to speak respectfully and constructively so that the guy does not think that he no longer attracts you.

Indicate the time frame

We denote the time frame

For men, restrictions on sex can seem like a huge change, and it will certainly be more difficult for him to experience them. Agree on how long the break will last and set the rules. For example, discuss whether the ban will extend to kisses or hugs. The optimal time for a pause in sex, if it is not caused by health problems, is two weeks. Although, of course, it all depends on the level of your and his sexual activity. Someone and three days of abstinence seem torture. A break in intimate relationships helps to get to know the guy as a person, and not as a sexual partner. This is especially true now, when from the beginning of the novel to the first sex sometimes takes a maximum week.

Break in sex is not just great for dating the person behind the body, but it also creates erotic tension and allows you to explore each other sensually since communication happens, but there are no other actions.

– notes communication specialist and author of personal guidance on self-improvement Constance Dann.

Be aware that gaining from abstinence will only happen if the guy reacts positively to this idea and understands you correctly.

Be positive

Be positive

Take his reaction with understanding and show compassion. Refusal from sex can hurt a man and make him look for reasons in himself. Try to be more attentive and tender to him during this period. Focus on the positive, focus on what you can gain from this experience. Discuss other ways to have a good time. Let him feel that a break in sex adds something to your relationship, but does not take it away.

Many factors affect sexual desire: physical condition, mental attitude, level of intimacy and satisfaction with a partner. In long-term relationships, girls often become hostages of public belief that a man’s satisfaction is as much a woman’s duty as housekeeping, cooking, and other concerns. Therefore, many act according to the principle “it is better to endure rather than go into humiliating explanations.” By suppressing your emotions and forcing yourself to have sex, you only aggravate the problem.

If you feel that you want to take a break in sex, you should take it. It is important to honestly say why you need it, calm your partner and focus on the fact that it can improve your relationship.

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Written by Hannah

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