sex toys have always been a bad story. Initially, the vibrators were sold under the guise of “masseurs.” In the 70s in America, women began to offer sex toys to other women at parties. At the same time, intimate accessories were positioned as another way to please a man or diversify sex with a partner, and not satisfy himself.
The theme of sex toys and today has not gotten rid of the stigma. We decided to figure out what makes women hide their preferences from a partner and what stereotypes prevent people from diversifying their sex.
Lies in defence of the ego
A poll on the site of the online store TooTimid.com showed that 54% of women hide their sex toys from partners. The study involved about 1,500 users of the site.
Everyone decides with whom to share the details of his intimate life. But when women feel the need to hide their habit of masturbating even from whom they share a bed, is it worth talking about trust and openness in relationships.
On the question of why they hide sex toys from partners, women gave different reasons:
- He will not be comfortable knowing this. I do my best to make sure that this does not happen.
- I like to use sex toys myself because I know what gives me pleasure. But I do not want to explain this to my boyfriend.
- He knew that I have them, but did not want to know that I use them or use them with me.
- I hid a very simple base vibrator. It was not even phallic, and I used it only for the vibration of the clitoris. When the guy found him, he wanted me to get rid of the vibrator, because he was more than his penis.
Apparently, most often women hide sex toys from a partner to protect his ego. The whole blame for the widespread myth that the male penis should please us more than anything else.
- More often than not, the real problem is that the partner feels deprived, “said Alicia Sinclair, a sexual educator and general manager of the adult-products companies b-Vibe and Le Wand. “Their ego demands that they give their partner an orgasm to be a good lover.” But verily, orgasm is the responsibility of the person experiencing it and not the responsibility of the partner.
Sex under the yoke of stereotypes
The idea that a man is bad in bed if he can not bring a woman to orgasm with the help of a penis, is fundamentally wrong. Only one in four women reaches a culmination during sex with penetration – and, most likely, this statistics is even overestimated. The reason is not in the size or endurance of the penis, but in the fact that the vagina has several nerve endings, each with its own degree of sensitivity.
In addition, the desire to try sex toys is not always associated with problems in sex with a partner. Sex toys should not be a tool to solve a problem. They can be what their name suggests: a source of extra pleasure.
The society still looks at sex very narrowly: the real sexual act is the penis in the vagina. Any woman who wants more, is inferior, like a man who can not satisfy a partner in this way. The result of this stereotype – girls are embarrassed to use sex toys and develop their sexuality, and men are afraid of competition with intimate accessories.
People who do not talk to their partners about sex toys, miss not only an intimate affinity that begins with complete frankness. They lose the opportunity to enjoy the sharing of sexual devices.
Sex toys “come out of the shadows,” along with the development of sexual culture in society and in each specific pair. For this, people need to understand that true intimacy is not only in joint square meters and physical contact but in the utmost frankness.