A healthy relationship does not begin with money, but over time inevitably stumbles upon a financial issue. Suddenly it turns out that you have much less in common than it seemed. While you are dreaming more likely to take an apartment in the mortgage, he is searching the Internet for the Mercedes of his dreams and ideas for business.
If you both are willing to openly talk and understand the cause of differences, it will not allow finances to be the reason for serious conflict. Here are 4 major problems faced by couples in relationships, and ways of solving them.
1. Spenders vs lean
As noted by the relationship expert and marriage therapist Anita Chlipala, one of the most common sources of money conflict in couples is associated with the mismatch values.
One needs more financial security, strives to put aside a portion, just in case. The second spit on all sorts of occasions, it does not exclude that at any moment it could break a road accident and wants to live in the present moment. I have both of them, but most of the money, and hence the reason for the conflict, neither one nor the other.
If you look at the situation objectively, both points of view are fair and necessary for responsible, but not too restrictive budget planning. However, couples are stuck in the same conflicts, because they believe that their partner is wrong. In fact, it is only a question of values, no approach is better than another, they are just different.
2. Dominant partner must carry more financial obligations.
When it comes to Finance, many girls prefer to forget about gender equality. In a “perfect” family all the default accounts are paid by the man. Women who earn more a partner, it is sometimes difficult to maintain normal relations.
I will not go into the correctness or incorrectness of the traditional approach to the division of responsibilities in the family, everyone should live as they feel comfortable. The relationship expert Benjamin Ritter advised in advance to tell the partner about your values in financial matters:
Discuss money issues before they arise. Tell us what you think about splitting checks or alternate payment as soon as your romantic relationship will start to go into something serious.
3. Power struggle when one of you earns much more
Hardly, you’d think the lack of the fact that your boyfriend makes more money than you. However, the truth is that the development of relations with financial dominance can escalate into the full-scale dictatorship. The belief that the one who pays, that and reserves the deciding vote, seems logical. But gradually the partner States the right to greater influence in other areas of the relationship. It turns out a bad remake of the living together with the parents about to turn you’re 18, you’ll be earning, then do what you want.
This is one reason why it is so important to maintain an open dialogue on long-term goals in your relationship. Make sure you both take financial decisions that are in the common interest and not pull the blanket over himself. And discuss that on account of the rent which he pays, is not part of your unquestioning obedience.
4. Wishes vs Needs
Disagreements about what is more important – a smart purchase or just a thing that give pleasure, – a common thing when spender enters into a relationship with the lean man.
As I said, it is better not to assume that someone of you is right, and someone not. Try to avoid conviction and make an effort to properly discuss the issue and move on.
Determine what is important to each of you and why. It’s not only about values but also about dreams, preferences, peculiarities of education. Identify the questions in which you are ready to give in, and try to minimize them.
All the experts agree that the only way to bring harmony to relationships is compromised. Some things you’ll both have to accept. I would recommend not to do the budget is too common, so everyone has the opportunity to realize personal interests, without prejudice to the partner.